if you could change the way things are.
The boy

To the boy who'd made me jealous when mom was hospitalized 12 years ago.

To the boy who'd got all the attention among all the older aunties and uncles during an occasion while I got stuck sulking at the corner.

To the boy who'd steal my chicken portions and mash potato in Kentucky's when we were young.

To the boy who'd insist on following me to all my girl sleepovers, and would kick up a storm if he didn't have his way.

To the boy who wouldn't be afraid to play "jump on the springy bed and sing" with his sister when we were on vacation.

To the boy who'd show off his rap skills when we were on the highway.

To the boy who'd impersonate Family Guy's show toons and funny character phrases when we're stuck in the jam.

To the boy who'd want to sit next to me at every meal during the day.

To the boy who'd cuddle up with me when he had a nightmare a long long time ago.

To the boy who'd hog my favourite chocolate bars in the refrigerator and wouldn't allow me to eat his share of potato chips.

To the boy, I'll find at the computer desk with his knees folded in an upright position everytime I come home from school.

To the boy who's taught me how to watch Naruto.

To the boy who'd humiliate me in front of my friends telling them my past crushes.

To the boy whom I have no trouble telling him my secrets.
To the boy who'd check up on me everytime I'm studying and before I go to bed.

To the boy who was willing to spent an entire night out with 14 of my school friends on Valentine's.
To the boy who's made me smile, laugh, cry, mad.

To the boy who's made my life a memorable one.

The past 12 years could've been a joyride! And without your insanity, joy, laughter, sarcasm, life wouldn't have been the same. I couldn't have hoped for a better brother. You mean alot to me, you idiot! Just make sure you don't swell up due to this very flattering post! Once again, Happy Birthday Shaun! You deserved something special this year. =)

a maze of thoughts.

Past. Present. Future.

Ivy shared the day before during bible class. And I don't know. My mind succumbed those words and swallowed it whole. Those pesky words lingered on till something dawned on me like a herd of cows rushing to a river stream, water emptied, milk filled which I know is not possible. How we live our past, determines our future in one way or another. The experiences we go through, happiness, joy, heart aches, broken friendships, achieving good grades, getting our hearts broken by a guy/girl shapes us to be stronger than we were before. Drat! I'm clueless on where I go from here.

Nevertheless, I shall point out my amazing weekend since there's very little to say and my brain lacks the ability to express my thoughts deeper.

Ice cream night was a blast. People came with ice cream tubs, bananas (Yes! Bananas), ice cream cones, even root beer and those coloured sickies. With another one of Shaun's amazing ideas to put on Pink Panther 2, which was a stroke of genius, might I add if the motive for coming by for cellgroup was to see James' expression while watching the movie! It was priceless, I tell youuuuuuuuuuu and a very rare occurence to see him laughing his butt off on the cold tiles on the floor due to the 16 degree celcius air conditioning which was still not cold enough! Like I said, people came with ice cream tubs and people LEFT with ice cream tubs as there were too much leftovers and mom needed her freezer back to put in her chicken and fish pieces. Frozen, of course.

JYB sessions are never a drag. When...when you get to glare at your very own coordinator for being late! But that's what happens when you don't have an alarm?! (Guilty yet? =]) And what fun would it be, if the day wasn't well spent in Queensbay for a good whole 2 hours or less with a driver who breaks too much and gave us the thought that we were all going to die sooner or later and girlfriends at the back who were too busy staring out of the glass window while I was squashed up in the middle like tuna in a can. Congratulate me, readers! I went for my first YE sales! After 3 years of invitation from friends.


*mind's blank*

I'll update when there's a need to.

I want to be able to feel.

Not just feel;

But to feel happy again.

To care less about the bad things around me and to focus on the brighter side of things.

I want to expect that I can do better in life.

I want to drive myself, to push myself to overcome my struggles beyond me.

I do not want to regret every day as it passes on and on.

I want to be happy.

Just somehow.

those sordid colours.
My brain's a wreck. Literally speaking. Due to the massive trunkload of scientific and mathematical phrases I've gathered and stored into my brain and is now currently jumbled up, spiralling around in different directions, I have all the intentions of doing a small operation procedure, maybe remove and extract those brain cells which have been overly used and replenishing new ones. And honestly, I can't be bothered to think of the monthly's. Results will be out, and I anticipate a C, at least for my addmath. Oh the horrors of numbers and completing squares. Screw BIO as well. To my dismay, there were certain questions which could've been answered with more effort and more thinking, but being me, I looked right pass them. On the other hand Chemistry was not all bad? A little here and there of mistakes, but average. An improvement which was something I hoped for.

Question is, have you ever thought about the future, your future? How it's unpredictable, how God places different pathways for us to take even if we wanted to take a different route? There's just too many things to think about. Our career, our family, our life we want to live. *continues thinking* I'll get back to you on that one.

I'm currently dealing with changes. Changes which can't be helped. Changes which are present to help and not to drag me down. Just that, at this moment, it's hard. It hurts. But it's worth while. It's worth going through it.

my eye sockets.

Coldplay is love.

Coldplay drowns my worries.

Coldplay calms the soul.

Anybody offer to get Chris Martin for me?

I hate my left eye?

I hate my rash infected legs?

But then again, at least it isn't another one of those cornea ulcers or retina tears...or worse still legs which are suppose to be amputated? Or however you define it as.

Biologying can be tough. But it still continues to amaze me in soooooooooo many levels! *winks with her bad eye*